A Second Glance
by I-Love-Escapest-Fantasy
Summary: AU: Marauder Era with some twists. No one is ever who they seem to be, we seemed perfect but the cracks ran deep. LilyJames, SiriusOC
1. Prologue

Prologue

"SIRIUS" Harry yelled "SIRIUS" and as a fifteen year old was forced to face the loss of the only family he had ever known his godfather winced at his cries. He wondered if the best friend who sometimes still haunted him at night would ever forgive him. But there was no time for that as the world went black and the stunner sank in.

Suddenly it wasn't all black anymore, he was, well, nowhere really he seemed to just be floating and everything else was floating as well people floated past all whisps of white smoke. Sirius looked down he was still solid only he was grey, why was he grey and what had happened the last thing he remembered was

"Harry…" he whispered but stopped short as he saw another figure who despite the resemblance wasn't Harry

"Sirius mate it's good to see you but you aren't supposed to be here" said a voice Sirius knew all to well

"James" he cried joyfully as the spirit pulled him into a brotherly embrace "What do you mean I'm not supposed to be here?"

"Well as the dead we watch over things and they sent me as your guide"

"What do you mean?"

"Padfoot, you're not really dead, you fell through the veil but your life-force is still intact."

"You mean I could go back?"

"Well not exactly, You see as soon as you went through the veil your physical body deteriorated so you can't just walk out of here" he explained patiently

"So I am dead?"

"No not quite yet you have a choice…"

"Choice?"

"You could die and stay here forever or well it's kind of complex but basically we send you back into your body for one day before your body was dead."

"You mean back in time"

"Essentially, but Sirius…" James paused "as soon as you do you no longer belong to this reality, there's no going back"

"What happens after that one day"

"Basically your spirit amalgamates with the one already there and you become a part of that Sirius"

"You won't get this opportunity next time either" added Lily

"So one shot eh"

"Yep, don't blow it Padfoot"

"Take care of my son" urged Lily "look after Harry"

"I hope you'll be around for that and I just get to spoil him" Sirius whispered "See ya, on the other side" and with that Sirius thought back to the moment which he felt really began his life.

Sirius grinned as he walked through the barrier to platform 9 ¾. He smiled as he noticed James nervously saying goodbye to his folks near by, his parents had left him to do this alone but he really didn't mind. Then he noticed another familiar face

'Snivillus' he thought then stopped this Snape wasn't greesy, bitter or sneering, come to think of it there was no reason to dislike the timid figure of his former nemesis. Remembering Snape's contributions to the war and his magical talent he wondered

'Why did we hate him again? He'll probably make a better friend then Peter ever did.'

So in a move that would change the course of history and hinted at more changes to come the Black heir walked up to Severus Snape and said

"Hi, Sirius Black, I'm a first year, are you new here too?

"Black huh, you're on the list" Severus sneered

"List?"

"List of expectable pureblood families I'm allowed to associate with" the black haired boy pulled out an official looking piece of paper

"Oh that list, tossed it before I even got here, I make my own decisions" explained Sirius grabbing it, balling it up and missing the shot at the nearest trash can

"Yeah, you could be right" mused Snape he didn't seem upset at the loss "I mean it's not like the muggleborns are going to be any worse then Malfoy" he lowered his voice "Stupid, vain, overconfident pain in the arse"

"Yeah, I know and Cissy has to marry that git" commented Sirius sadly shakeing his head even if "Cissiy" wasn't his favourite person.

"What?"

"My cousin, Narcissa is arranged to marry the Malfoy heir"

"Already, I thought she was only a third year" Snape was uninterested really but this was exactly the kind of information his parents would want, he vowed not to tell them.

"Yeah well he's of age so his family wanted it dealt with and since it represented the joining of two of Britain's richest wizarding families there was a lot to discuss in terms of dowries, bride prices and such"

"I see"…

"Severus, right, want to go find a compartment?" Sirius asked.

"Sure but how do you know my name?"

"I've reluctantly studied enough pureblood genealogy to know the name of the Snape heir" said Sirius smoothly.

Soon Sirius and Snape were chatting and ranting away, Sirius had never realised how much similar their backgrounds were. The entrance of two boys, one with jet-black unruly hair and the other with sandy blond hair and a tired look interrupted the conversation.

"So you'd be Potter, right?" he asked the first boy, he looked apologetically at the second "and sorry I guess you must not be in the pure blood families I am supposed to associate with, not that it matters, take a seat." He gestured to the empty bench as Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Sirius, are you sure about this our families could be displeased?" Snape asked without much enthusiasm

"Why? According to my mom the Potters are 'acceptable but they lack proper pride' in other words decent people. Unlike those hypocritical pure-blooded maniacs I am forced to call parents"

"You've got a point Black," he turned to the brown haired boy "and you are?"

"Remus Lupin, half blood," the boy responded timidly

"Ah, too bad I was hoping you were muggle born that would send mom into a fit, you think I could rig the sorting into making me a Gryffindor, just for the look on her face" Sirius pondered dreamily

"Well so far you seem like one" said James honestly

"You really think so, my mother always called me no good traitorous, mudblood loving scum but I always figured it was a pet name, like Reggie Poo, but longer." All four boys had a good laugh over that and spent several minutes swapping stories.

Snape turned "You know I think I could learn to tolerate you guys" Severus sneered

"Ah, Sevvie we love you too" said Sirius enveloping all three boys in a big hug

"Get off me Black"

"Shh, you hear that?" but none of the others heard anything unusual "it's the moment and she's crying cause you just killed her" lamented Sirius dramatically and James burst into hysterical laughter as Lupin stood still in Sirius's embrace completely shell shocked.

"Maybe this won't be so bad afterall" he commented quietly

"Speak for yourself" Snape responded dryly

The boys had finally settled down (Sirius had finally let go of an almost snarling Severus) when the comfortable chatter was broken up once again by an unexpected entrance.

"So you little mudblood…" Sneered a male voice and a red headed blur raced through the compartment pursued by some large second or third years wielding wands and looking sinister.

"Cousins…" yelled Sirius running up to one and imitaiting the annoying high piched voice of his cousins when they were exited "O my God, Nott I haven't seen you in forever, so tell me have you hurt this pretty lady or are you just really bad flirts?"

"Black" growled Nott "we don't have time for your stupidity"

"Oh good because neither of you look like you could put up a decent fight" quipped James and seeing they were out numbered the two bullies lumbered off muttering about traitors and muggle lovers.

"So who is the next stray Black has found in his noble pursuit of defying every tradition in the book?" asked Severus

"Lily Evans, thanks for that even if I don't understand it yet" replied the red head "What does mudblood mean anyways"

"You think to much, sit back and coast, it's working for me so far" Sirius waved it off

"That is debatable" muttered Lupin. Lily sighed in contentment just glad to finally have some people she could almost call friends. James decided to explain her earlier question

"Well, some wizarding families think they're better merely because they have all wizarding backgrounds and some are willing to resort to marrying cousins to keep their blood 'pure'" he spat and Lily shrank slightly "

"but I'm from a non-magical family, will everyone hate me?" she asked

"No just the bigoets" Sirius shrugged "and they don't matter. Well it's a long trip and I'm interested to here what it's like to be brought up by someone other then racist extremists"

"Don't look at me" Snape shrugged

"I don't want to talk about my family… it's too hard" Lily said sadly and assuming she was homesick they didn't press for details.

"Well my mom and dad work for the ministry…" James began and Sirius sighed content to be back to the nearly carefree childish teenager that he had always been..

Later the first years trudged off the boats only to be met with a stern young woman.

"My name is Professor McGonagall, please follow me into the great hall. You will then be sorted into houses, while at Hogwarts your house will be like your family. There are four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin each house has unique qualities that make it special." They all obediently followed her through the mass of older students to just in front of the head table where a hat sat on a stool.

The hat opened a tear near the brim and began to sing

_I'm supposed to tell you mighty tales of old_

_Of Gryffindor, the brave the brash, of wearing red and gold_

_Of Slytherin the cunning, of power, talent and ambition_

_Ravenclaw the brilliant, whom made knowledge her mission_

_And Hufflepuff the fair, whom toiled hard and in the end reaped a great reward_

_Yet instead I bring a warning_

_Darkness lies ahead and fog obscures the path_

_A generation who shall know little but suffering and wrath_

_Yet when hope fades and the stars fall, in the darkest of the night_

_We must stand together, united, so that we may be eachothers light_

_So I sort you into houses, looking inside your head and laying out your destiny_

_Yet in the end I'm just a hat, so make your own choices wisely _

McGonagall spoke "As I call your name please sit on the stool and put on the hat"

She looked down at her list "Black, Bellatrix" and Bellatrix promptly put on the hat which barely grazed her head before shouting "Slytherin", no one was surprised and the hall burst into polite applause as she descended to the Slytherin table and sat beside he sister.

"Black, Sirius" and Sirius walked up and put the hat on his head

'So I see you're not one for Slytherin, are you sure you do have ambitions, but no It seems you are more loyal then cunning , Hufflepuff might suit, but then again hard work isn't for you. Ahhh… but courage that you have in plenty, well then

"Gryfindor" there was some applause but you could barely hear it over the whispering of 'a Black in Gryffindor?' Sirius ignored this and quietly sat down overjoyed that it went okay. The Sorting continued and he didn't pay attention to the next couple of names until

"Evans, Lily" The nervous Lily sat on the stool. The hat seemed to take forever to decide with her. Finally it opened it's brim and shouted

"Gryffindor" and Lily stood up and walked towards the table, looking like she was on the edge of collapsing from nervousness. Sirius beckoned her over gesturing to the seat beside him, she took it gratefully, and after a couple people around them introduced themselves, they refocused their attention up front in time to see Remus being sorted. It took a moment but the hat called out "Gryffindor". Lupin came and sat with them looking nervous but pleased with himself. All three new friends turned their attention back to the sorting and watched Jasmine Malfoy get made a Ravenclaw, this created quite a stir as the second pure-bood pre destined for Slytherin to end up somewhere else.

"Pettigrew, Peter" became a Slytherin and timidly made his way to the group of green and silver clad peers.

"Potter, James" was called soon enough and unlike his friends he was proclaimed a Griffindor before the hat was even on his head, again enthusiastic applause but no surprised whispers, Potters were Gryffindors. James had the same cocky grin and swagger as Sirius as he sat next to Lily. Finally Severus too joined them among fewer whispers because by now people were beyond being surprised. He sat next to Sirius across from Lupin and James immediately began bemoaning the lack of food on his glittering plate.

"I'm starving" James whined

"How much longer can this take?" Sirius joined in.

Lily and Snape gave them identical glares while Lupin watched in amusement.

"Complaining only makes it seem longer," commented Lupin dryly.

If you looked at the five teenagers as they chatted and bickered among themselves, you would have never guessed that they had dark secrets. You could not have possibly known that these seemingly careless adolescents would re-write history and change the world, but first they had to make it through teen hood.

**A/N:**T**he next chapter starts at the end of fifth year so if you want a general description keep reading, if not? Please review!**

Cast of Characters (I do this because I hate to read those stories where they spend the first couple of chapters telling me how amazingly handsome the marauders are, how pretty Lily is and how much other people want them.)

James Zachary Potter (Nickname: Prongs)

Appearance: fairly tall and muscular, short spiky black hair, hazel eyes and glasses

Personality: carefree and cocky, loves pranks and quiditch but is starting to see that the world revolves around the sun not him. Is a leader by nature and loves Lily more then life itself. Has had several girlfriends though no serious relationships has a player rep but that is over exaggerated because of his friendship with Sirius and Severus. Girls date him just so they can say they have. Hates Voldemort, pureblood mania ect. Is especially protective of Lily, wanna guess why?

Jasmine Samantha Malfoy (Nickname: Savvy)

Appearance: idealistic figure, as her family forces her to maintain it hoping to attract an 'acceptable' husband for her. Blonde hair reaching her shoulders and blue grey eyes like a stormy sea, she has nice features but they're not perfect beautiful ones.

Personality: She is a Ravenclaw, studious works hard to get good grades. Rebel, doesn't care what anyone thinks, loves sports, dancing and boys. Is against pure blood mania and protests her family's chauvinism. A little too outspoken and can sometimes appear a little mean because she tells the truth no matter how harsh.

Lily Marie Evans (Nickname: Nightshade)

Appearance: Vivid red hair that reaches her waist, Emerald eyes, short with an unfortunately curvaceous figure.

Personality: wildcard, hangs out mostly with the boys so is into pranking but not quiditch, studies hard and is top of the class. Hates male hormones because they turn her peers into idiots, is self confident and comfortable with who she is. Fiery Temper and doesn't back down. Vindictive, will hold a grudge, natural leader and can think on the fly.

Remus John Lupin (Nickname: Moony)

Appearance: Sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. He is shorter then the other boys and skinny in a tortured soul kind of way.

Personality: Loves reading and is studious gets good grades on a steady pace unlike his other male friends. Plays beater on the quiditch team opposite Sirius. Doesn't date for fear that the girl will abandon him when she finds out about his secret. Pranks but rarely is caught in the act. Dry sarcastic wit is his and Severus' bonding element.

Severus Dawson Snape (Nickname: Corbin)

Appearance: Tall and gangly with black hair and brown eyes so dark they're almost black. Has the completely bad boy appeal girls love, is keeper on the Gryffindor team.

Personality: He Sirius and James are like triplets when it comes to pranks, quiditch and girls. He and Sirius are famous for getting drunk and picking up girls, no one knows why girls actually like them but they do. Sirius and him have the whole live hard die young moto going for them. Weirdly enough Snape is almost never in trouble, he doesn't care about grades so he only excels in DADA and potions.

Sirius Orion Black (Nickname: Padfoot)

Appearance: You know the drill, tall muscular dreamy grey eyes and black hair that always falls elegantly over said gorgeous eyes.

Personality: A lot like James and Severus, reckless playboy athlete. Oddly Sirius actually seems to like getting in trouble and detention and so he will often take credit for another's prank. Loyal to the core but often a little shortsighted.Wants to enjoy Hogwarts and doesn't really care about grades but gets O's effortlessly in everything except potions and history of magic.


	2. Parting

Chapter One

**A/N: Its short but I couldn't think of anything else I wanted in this chapter, the next one is long because I had more to say**

Lily was quietly enjoying her morning paper and breakfast when Sirius and James sauntered in giggling like mad followed at a relaxed pace by Remus and Severus who were chatting companionably.

"Moony, Corbin, do not tell me that you let those idiots do something that will land us all in detention, again" Lily rolled her eyes and refocused herself in the article

"Come on, Nightshade, Prongsie and I were just having fun, besides you three rarely get detention" Sirius soothed "and you know you'll love what we did?"

"Couldn't let those slimy Slytherins get away with insulting our Lily Flower, now could we?" James added

"We may not get a lot of detention, but McGonagall has threatened to make them more frequent if the three of us don't exercise more control over you two" Lily responded secretly glad at least someone cared enough to defend her.

"Well then, it's a very good thing, she doesn't know how much we lend a hand in various capers, besides Lily detention only means more time with your favourite boys" Snape smirked

"Sometimes I feel like a baby sitt.." Lily was interrupted by all the Slytherins abruptly rising from their seats swarming towards her and then bowing before sinking to their knees and begging her forgiveness. Obviously she (and the rest of the hall) were quite shocked as this was atypical behaviour of people who hated her guts.

"This unworthy servant begs your forgiveness for his extremely racist and inappropriate comments," pleaded a fifth year dramatically pulling a feathered hat he hadn't been wearing a moment ago off his head and fiddling with it nervously.

"We know we will never have half your talents"

"We were merely jealous of the fact that you are friends with such handsome daredevils as Sirius, Severus and James"

"I only wish I was pretty, nice and intelligent like you, instead I'm a washed up ugly, evil psychopath doomed to marry a snake with even less looks and brains than I, oh woe es me" cried Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius didn't have much family loyalty

"Oh, Yes Black and Potter are so hot, but the guy for me is Lupin, he has these dreamy blue eyes…" harped Pettigrew. No one could here the rest of Remus's virtues over the laughter echoing through the hall. Lupin glared at his friends who looked back with cheeky grins.

"Don't blame me it was their idea" Snape gestured to James and Sirius

"True, my dear Corbin, but who made the potion?" quipped James and Snape scowled as Lupin returned to glaring at him.

"POTTER, BLACK, LUPIN, SNAPE AND EVANS, ALL OF YOU REPORT TO ME AFTER BREAKFAST, YOU KNOW WHERE" McGonagall shouted

"IT'S A DATE" yelled Sirius

"WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD MINNIE" called James the other three wisely stayed silent. Breakfast, continued the Slytherins retreated back to their table to begin plotting, McGonagall fumed silently, business as usual.

_After Breakfast…_

"You are all sixteen and fifteen year olds, I expect you to act more mature" McGonagall sighed knowing this lecture would end in the same way everyone before it had: pointlessly.

"Ahhh…" Sirius began "but Minnie we were just protecting our lady's honour" he explained gesturing to Lily and pulling off a puppy dog like look of innocence which would have been a lot more convincing had she not seen it hundreds of times before.

"I'm sure she can defend herself, I seem to remember her getting quite upset at you for hexing a certain Ravenclaw prefect"

"Well, yah but that guy should have kept his hands to himself," murmured James.

"I can defend myself" Lily hissed annoyed that they thought her helpless.

"Back to the matter who was involved in today's entertainment, other then Black and Potter?"

"Do you really think I would have been involved?" asked Lupin still glaring at the other boys

"Severus?"

"I made the potion," he admitted.

"Alright the three of you have detention tonight…"

"Today's the last day of school" No one noticed Lily flinch

"Fine then, first night back"

"Aww" simpered James "I guess you'll be eager to see us after such a long parting"

"Just get packing, before I double that sentence"

And before they could get themselves into any more trouble Sirius and James were dragged out by their slightly more sensible friends.

_Later on the train…_

The five marauders had scored had scored their usual department to themselves and were trying to enjoy their last afternoon together in two months. Unfortunately, because of their families they couldn't visit much.

"I'll miss you guys it'll be boring, my mom has been sorta quiet ever since dad left…" James said sadly, no one asked for a further explanation.

"My father couldn't be paid to come near me or my mom…" Severus added bitterly. The five looked out the windows sadly at the sunny weather and clear skies.

"Full moon will be hell, without you guys" Remus commented paling

"Try that potion I gave you," suggested Severus helpfully "I'm positive it won't hurt and it could help"

Sirius and Lily remained silent with dread.

"Alright, that's enough of a pity party" Sirius commented finally, I want to discuss that last quiditch match, We almost lost it, next year we'll have to do better"

Lily groaned

"Corbin I'll help you with that charms essay if you want" offered Lily

"Thanks Nightshade, I need the help, bloody charms" he responded rustling through his bag for the assignment in question. Sadly the train ride was over all too soon.

"Bye guys" Lily said sadly hugging them each tightly and kissing them on the cheek before heading through the barrier

"Wait Lils, where are your parents?" asked remus when he didn't see anyone around

"Oh yah, I take the underground home" she replied and the guys realised that they had never actually met Lily's parents. In fact they had no real idea what Lily did during the summer, last summer she'd been injured pretty badly and she said she was in a fight.

"So if any of you need to escape your families, you're welcome at my place, It's not like mom will care" he gestured to the sad defeated women a couple of meters away. Obviously she had once been pretty but years and motherhood had not been kind she had an emaciated look that added years to the thirty five year-old's face.

Embracing his adopted brothers once more, Sirius headed towards his impatient family including his timid little brother who would start Hogwarts in September He tuned out his mother's lecture on the improper amount of affection he showed to his friends as they made their way to the floo checkpoint in the building next to the station. Already he had a bad feeling about this…

**A/N: Okay that's all for now please review**


	3. A Day in the Life

Chapter 2

Three weeks later Sirius was forced and threatened into attending a purebloods only party at Malfoy manner, Sirius would normally been able to suffer through it except that Severus had gotten sick leaving him with absolutely no one to talk to. He was moping and sipping punch at an out of the way table when a pretty blond sat down beside him.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to escape my brother, who keeps making snide comments about my 'improperiety'" the girl asked but by her tone she didn't need permission

"Hey, I know the feeling, but I don't know you gorgeous, which is weird since my mom forces me to memorize the acceptable purebloods with whom I am to associate with" Sirius replied employing his experience with flirting.

"Flirting will get you nowhere, Mr Black, I'm Jasmine, Jasmine Malfoy, and you don't know me because my family is ashamed that I'm a Ravenclaw, so they don't talk about me much." She replied coolly watching her fingernails.

"Of course, you're in my Transfiguration and Potions class, sorry about the flirting, instinctive when I'm trying to pretend that I'm not actually here. You know purebloods guys are expected to be 'players'"

"I've always hated to find out that each of the guys I'm being offered to marry already have atleast one girlfriend, of course their muggle or poor so they won't marry them."

"Yah, it always bugged me seeing my dad with other women, mom didn't seem to mind, she married him for the money."

"Hmmm.. I'm glad someone else realises this life's a lie I was worried that they'd all been brainwashed." She gestured to the floor of dancing couples

"I think it's fear," he mused "in an arranged marriage you don't fear rejection, without love you don't feel heartbreak and if you marry rich you never have to fend for yourself." He shrugged derisively "Not that it matters as soon as I graduate, I'm leaving, getting a job and marrying whoever the hell I want to. Until then I sit here and pretend to be checking out possible pureblood wives while counting the minutes"

"Really, my tactic is to sneak off to the washroom and do my homework" she commented indifferently as she watched her father chat up some pretty maid.

"Yeah, well I've been avoiding my parents so much my homework was done first week"

"Ouch" she winced "At least I can go flying when it becomes too much" her eyes glazed over at the thought

"Really? Do you play quiditch?" he asked interested

"Well, I'd like to play beater, but my family won't buy me a broom because it's unladylike to play quiditch" she responded sadly and he nodded in understanding

"Would you like to dance? My mother threatened that if I did not dance with one acceptable girl there would be severe 'consequences'"

"I'm acceptable?" she inquired surprised

"No but, I'll tell them I didn't know you were an outcast," Sirius grinned and held out his hand.

"Well, I suppose you are probably the best looking bloke here… What the hell?" she shrugged ascending and taking his hand

"Yah, there really isn't much competition in the looks department," Sirius said looking over her shoulder at the other guests. Sadly he was right due to a lot of inbreeding and years of isolation all the pureblooded wizards tended to look very similar, the blacks were an odd exception as Sirius's father was from Spain, obviously he was still a pureblood but even that little bit of variance made a lot of difference.

"You know I'm almost glad I came tonight, at least I'm getting in a decent conversation" she commented as he twirled her in step with the dance.

"Hey, my pleasure" he responded happily. He was always glad to meet pretty girls even though they were Malfoys and therefore not his type.

Lily lay crumpled in a heap, tears running a path down her bruised and malnourished face voices echoing through her head.

'You stupid, worthless freak, it's your fault she's dead, you have these stupid powers but you were too selfish to use them!'

'you can't even protect yourself, what good are you?'

'i needed you and you were too busy at that freak school to care!'

She sobbed harder 'Why do they hate me so much?' she wondered. 'I haven't done anything; I have to get out of here'

She heard the door slam meaning her father had left for work, Petunia had already went to Vernon's, so she was alone.

She knew that it wasn't supposed to be this way, her family was supposed to love her. Yet she came back every summer even though at least two of her friends always offered for her to stay. Maybe it was because she didn't want to admit it had gotten this bad, a part of her still hoped that her father would recover and it would get better. Every summer it got worse.

There was only one place she could think of to go, and that was James' place, she had never been allowed to visit but she had his address. Even if she couldn't stay James would help her find a hotel. Unfortunately, she had no car and was too young to apperate, her house wasn't connected to the floo network so getting there was going to be a challenge. Just then she remembered something Severus had said once, something about emergency transport. Yes, the night bus… or something like that and apparently it wasn't that expensive. She just hoped it'd work.

James opened the door to see one of his best friends on the doorstep and nearly cried out in anguish at seeing the usually vibrant red head looking so desperately broken and downtrodden. Before he knew it he had wrapped her up in his arms and she was sobbing into his shoulder.

"James" she called hoarsely from somewhere just below his neck

"Shhh" he soothed "It's alright, why don't you come inside" and keeping the comforting arm around her he steered her through the house until he came to his rec room where he sat down on a couch, pulling her after him. He called a house elf and within moments Lily had drunk a pain reliever and the slim cut marring her arm was cleaned and bandaged. He stroked her hair gently and the house elf left,

"Come on, tell me about it and I promise I'll do whatever I can," he reassured her patiently

"That's just it, there's nothing anyone can do, it was cancer" she breathed heavily "but sometimes after listening to my father and my sister I wonder if there was no way for me to save her" James knew she was talking about her mom who'd died when she was ten.

"Lily, don't be ridicules, there was nothing you could do, No parent should blame a child for something they can't help. If your family weren't such…"

"Okay so maybe, mom wasn't my fault, but Petunia hates me because I don't stick up for us, but if I use my magic I could be expelled and then I'd lose you guys and I couldn't survive, you guys are all I got left. Petunia is going to get married to Vernon, who is awful because it will get her away from dad, I feel like it should be different, my family should care."

"Lils, listen to me, family is not your blood but your choice, sometimes I feel like my mom and I aren't even family anymore, I mean we talk maybe once a day, we don't even eat together anymore. When I'm with you or the guys it's different it's like"

"the way things are meant to be" she finished

There was no verbal response but James tightened his embrace, pulling her head to rest gently on his shoulder and the two teens sat like that, entwined until they fell asleep.

Sirius Black was not normally a coward, hell, normally he was the brave to the point of recklessness type but if anything scared him it was probably his parents. Too many times had they blown up at him or his little brother as kids for small accidents like breaking dishes or forgetting chores, now that he had committed one of the seven deadly sins in their opinion he was not in a good place.

Sometimes Sirius wished he would be the cowardly type and just let injustices lie, it'd get him into a lot less danger. Somehow he knew that deep down that was what separated him from his family and therefore one of his favourite things.

It had all started after the party when his mom had been disgusted to find out he hadn't yet found a suitable bride…

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR WORTHLESSNESS, ALL WE ASK IS THAT YOU BECOME A PROPER SLYTHERIN HEIR AND INSTEAD YOU BECOME SOME SOFT MINDED, WEAK HEARTED GRYFFINDOR."

"Of course, heaven forbid I disobey the family tradition of hating the world in general to make up for my own misery" drawled Sirius but his mom continued. The tall imperious form of his mother almost literally shaking with fury.

"AND YOUR FRIENDS, SNAPE AND POTTER ARE ACCEPTABLE BUT LUPIN? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM AND THEN SOME MUGGLE BORN WHORE?" Somehow his mother managed to make 'muggle born' sound worse then 'whore'

"I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUNG BOYS LIKE TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES, BUT YOU ARE ALL MOST OF AGE YOU NEED TO BE SELECTING A PROPER BRIDE NOT MESSING WITH MUDBLOOD SCUM"

Sirius had had enough he looked straight into the grey eyes that adorned his face and was prepared to disown his family here and now "OKAY, THAT'S IT, FINE CALL ME SCUM OF THE EARTH, TRAITER ECT. BUT DO NOT INSULT A GIRL THAT IS A LOT BETTER OF A PERSON THEN YOU WILL EVER BE"

Sirius continued in a dangerously low tone "Yah, our family is great, father's probably out getting laid somewhere while you scream at me, oh how could I think of betraying such a happy…" but he didn't finish as his mother's eyes shot with furry

"DIFFINDO" the black haired women hissed. Sirius dodged, barely missing the hiss of sickly yellow light and that only seemed to infuriate her further.

"CRUCIO" She shrieked. Sirius never quite knew why he didn't dodge that curse probably it was out of shock that his mother could be so totally cruel or maybe he just wanted some physical pain to drown out everything else.

Whatever the reason the bolt hit him in the chest and seemed to absorb into his skin. As the curse sank in his body began shaking compulsively as every muscle in his body was stretched past it's limits. His mind screamed with agony praying that death would end it yet he stayed silent. That was the one thing he'd learned from his family, to suffer in silence.

Regulas Black shuddered as he watched his mother curse his brother for what seemed like the millionth time in two days. Ever since the party Sirius seemed to be taking more abuse then either brother had experienced in their whole lives. He didn't understand why his brother wouldn't just admit he was wrong, his parents were reasonable, surely then they would stop.

He was beginning to doubt it would ever end, that he would always tiptoe around the house like a ghost in fear of his family.

Finally it escalated to the point where his father got involved and if there was anything on this planet that could scare him it was his father in a rage.

Curses and blows together rained down until Sirius was a bruised and bloody mess, the dark haired boy just took it until suddenly there was a crack like thunder and his brother was just gone. Regulas waited until his parents had left before dragging his brother's trunk unto the porch, because he thought Sirius would need it.

On the way back to his room he passed the living room and on the floor a blood stain was the only reminder that his brother had been here at all. Again the eleven year old quailed weren't families supposed to be connected by love and loyalty. Was this red stain the only thing keeping his together? he sighed

"Siri, I miss you"

Lily's Log

So I finally did it, I Lily Evans have run away from home- and the angels sang out in an immaculate chorus. No really I'm happy about it I hate taking charity but I'd rather take charity somewhere where I feel like I belong then rot somewhere I don't. Besides James was so sweet today, I completely forgot it was usually Remus whose a better comforter.

Actually I don't know why I never told the boys before, I'm sure they'd have helped. I guess it never got so bad before and until I got to Hogwarts I always figured I deserved it. I know, I know stupid but well I hated being the victim, every hero I've ever heard of deals with it alone so I didn't want to ask for help. Everybody always tells us that strong girls don't cry and when they fall they just get up again. I wanted to prove I was more then the damsel in distress, I know that the guys hate those types. Maybe there's a difference between being helpless and needing help sometimes. So I wrote this it kinda reflects how I feel helpless…  
Invisible chains

I sit here bound to a chair

I struggle but cannot break free

Not by ropes of course plastic hair

But the iron grip of authority

A caged bird is a sad one

Yet the cage is all I know

A dreary half existence

Alone in the snow

It keeps me bound to this chair I can't see

The rules and laws keeping me here

Far from where I wish to be

Afraid of something I barely comprehend

The verbal whip

The dreaded reprimand

I want to cry for mercy

End this unbearable torture

No one seems to hear my desperate plea

And, so I sit afraid to stand

Imprisoned away from my individuality

Still bound by unbreakable chains

And a cage I feel but can't see

Not bad ehh? Well it's not Shakespeare or Kipling (IF is my favourite poem ever) but not bad for a teen drabble. By the way never tell the boys I write poetry or I'll shred you, I mean it.

The always lovely, gracious talented (and modest)

Lily Marie Evans


	4. Coming Home

Chapter: 4

**A/N: I realised that I didn't include an author's note in the last one which is too bad cause I want opinions on my poetry and the diary format. This is probably one of my shortest chapters because it really didn't fit in elswhere but I needed this section. Anyways please read and review.  
**

James awoke to a doorbell ringing and a house elf appearing in front of him

"Would master like Sal to get the door?" it squeaked

"Ummm… shouldn't you have asked my mom that?" he asked really not wanting to move. Lily was resting lightly on his chest and the red head badly needed some rest.

"Mistress has locked herself in her room and does not wish to be disturbed" the domestic creature responded sadly.

James groaned "No that's okay Sal, I'll get it but could you get a guest room ready for Lils?" he asked moving towards the stairs as Sal vanished with a pop. Still grumbling and a little worried about his mom, James opened the front door. His expression changed to joy at the sight of one of his best friends and then sadness at Sirius's condition. His friend's usually graceful black hair was caked with dirt, sweat, blood and who knows what else. It looked like he'd gotten dressed with his eyes closed, went through a long battle with fists and spells and then lay in the gutter, which was not all that unlikely. James sighed he was used to the gaunt bruised Sirius but this was something more.

"What happened to you?" James asked

"My Bloody parents that's what happened" Sirius explained wearily as James opened the door all the way ushering him inside.

"Will your mother mind?" he asked before stepping wearily over the threshold, he'd had enough of angry parents.

"Nope, Lily is already here and as far as I can tell my mom has yet to notice"

"Flower? Why is she here?" he asked surprised

"Same reason as you I expect escaping her family"

"I guess it's rough all over" sighed Sirius "why don't we just call Moony and Corbin and call it a pity party"

"'cause they at least have half decent homes, but once Shade wakes up we'll contact them and extend the invitation to meet us at Diagon Alley next month" replied James leading Sirius to the couch where Lily slept.

"Sal" he called

"Yes master," the house elf appeared promptly

"Set up another guest room and leave a note for my mother telling her that two of my friends are here" the house elf bowed once and vanished.

"Are you alright or should I call a healer?" James asked knowing Sirius would never accept a healer's help

"I'm fine, my parents would never kill their eldest son and my healing spells are pretty good, Merlin knows I get enough practice, just some pain killers" he soothed but apparently the boys were talking louder then they'd intended because Lily awoke with a start.

"James?" she yawned then noticed the second boy "Sirius? Why are you here?"

"Aww not happy to see me I'm crushed, unfortunately I'm stuck here, I ran away"

"Oh My God Sirius are you okay?" Lily asked her own troubles forgotten in face of her friend's crisis

"I'm fine, just glad to be out of that hell hole, What is this I hear about someone daring to touch our precious Lily Flower?" he asked with more genteelness then anyone would have thought Sirius possessed

"Sirius, it's nothing you guys are too overprotective and…" but she was cut off as James drew her into an embrace with Sirius joining in. Lily knew that no matter how annoying the marauders got she was grateful to have them.

The three best friends spent the best summer they could remember playing quiditch, pranking each other and exploring the large grounds belonging to Potter Manor. The summer which had always seemed like the longest two months of the year was flying past.

One night Lily woke up around midnight and went downstairs to find Sirius crying slightly and reading a letter.

"Who's it from" she asked "your girlfriend?"

"Lils, you know James, Sev and I aren't serious about any of them, we know there's more to this world, like motorbikes" he gave a week half smile at the joke

Lily ignored the last comment "Yah I know but the rest of the school thinks your just superficial athletes after one thing," her tone implied exactly what that one thing was "why don't you care about your image?"

"cause it's easier to be waived off as an arrogant playboy then to have hundreds of people looking into how screwed up I am," he paused sucking in an angry breath "my whole damn family is"

"It's Reg then?

"Yeah, he doesn't understand why I left, he asked me when I'm coming home and told me the parents are mad" Sirius laughed bitterly

"That's the thing about siblings, you want so badly to help them. At least your brother doesn't blame you"

"Not yet, but if he stays there he'll become just like them"

"Hatred is fear, Petunia fears me and hates me she fears my father and hates me more for not protecting her from him" she paused "Your family hates you because you're something they've never had before, a freethinker. What we do not know we fear, what we fear we destroy"

"Sums up the life of a pureblood, I think running away was the best decision I ever made". Lily grabbed a cup of cocoa and sat with him a while, this was definitely the best thing she'd ever done.

Before they knew it their Hogwarts letters had arrived, of course Dumbledore knew of their change in residence so all three arrived together.

Lily was absolutely delighted to receive O's on all her Owls, Sirius and James matching her in everything but History of Magic and Astronomy.

Remus and Severus had arranged to go to Diagon Alley with them to get supplies and after they were done shopping everyone stopped for ice cream on Severus whose family spoiled him. While James, Sirius and Severus were playfully flirting with several girls from school (including Severus's current girlfriend Mandy) Remus and Lily were quietly discussing books.

"Hey Moony"

"mmm.."

"Why aren't you like that?"

"Like what?"

"Picking up girls only for the sake of it then dumping them after a shag or two"

"Lils, I don't think that bad of any of the boys" Remus sighed and she looked down they weren't cruel but sometimes it jus.. bugged he to see girls practically throwing themselves at her friends. Remus put a comforting hand on her shoulder "hell I have even had a few quick disastrous romances myself", There was a pause as Remus flashed back and immediately knew it was his own insecurities that caused these problems.

I'm not saying they're right but I do think that the girls know that they aren't really serious. Besides" he grinned "I happen to know for a fact that James, one of Hogwarts' top playboys is in fact a virgin"

"But.. all the girls say"

"Of course they do girls love to brag and tell stories just like guys so over time events get exaggerated…" he paused "and you know James if it makes him seem cool". At this Lily rolled her eyes remembering all the times his ego got them detention... or worse.

"Right but why?" she wondered "I know Severus at least has experience"

"I don't know Lily, but James' dad leaving affected him deeply, maybe he wants to be sure before he gets into a serious relationship"

"That does make sense" she admitted. James may not have been the most sensitive person on the planet but maybe that was one situation he'd take a little more care in.

"Of course it does, I am the marauders' one and only shrink aren't I?" Remus asked "Lily no offence but it is generally odd for girls to discuss this type of things with males even those they consider siblings"

"I know Moony but I don't really have female friends I trust and you never laugh at my girlish moments"

"Like I said Lily, I'm just a little ahead of them in the 'handling hormones' department. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere deep down Sirius is still afraid of cooties" and that mental image had them both in hysterics.

Meanwhile over with the boys…

Sirius, Severus and James were comfortable lounged across a booth telling slightly exaggerated quiditch stories to a small crowd of avidly listening girls when James noticed that Sirius was oddly silent, Severus was too enraptured with Mandy to care.

"Whats eating ya, Paddy?"

"Oh, what , I'm just a little distracted"

"What about?" James asked ignoring the disappointed pouts of the girls as he stopped his boastful monologue

"Well a couple of things actually the first is my little brother Reg, well he's starting Hogwarts and I wonder if he'll end up like the rest of my family" Sirius sighed "he is still my little brother you know" and James nodded.

"Padfoot, this seems to be seriously (no pun intended) bugging you so why don't you talk to him on the platform" James suggested

"Maybe I will, we used to be close when we were small and so maybe he'll listen for old time's sake"


	5. School Daze

**Chapter 5**

**A/N: Hello small but hopefully loyal group of followers, I know it's been a while but then school just restarted. Anyways to make up for my absence this udates about twice the usual length. Enjoy**  
**Please tell me if you have any suggestions or you feel a character is becoming background it's not intentional but they do sneak away on you. R&R **

**Disclaimer: I'm afraid to say I don't own Harry Potter's affiliated characters although if I was going to own any of them you can guess which five I'd pick, or maybe I'd change James for Bella, I always liked her. Anyways don't own them never will but if I did I probably sell them for millions of dollars. **

* * *

Getting on the Hogwarts express the next day was the rough equivalent of chaos, first problem the boys woke up half an hour late and so Lily who'd been up for two hours reading watched in amusement as the boys rushed around getting dressed and packing (except for Remus who'd done it the night before). Unfortunately the three remaining marauders were a little vain to say the least and it was very lucky that James's house had enough bathrooms for all the preening boys, Lily who took about ten minutes to get ready was endlessly amused when it took Sirius twenty to do his hair.

"You know, Moony sometimes I think Padfoot really should have been born a girl" Lily commented

"You could be right, Nightshade, but if he was he'd have to be a lesbian considering his deep love of anything in a skirt"

"Hey, I heard that" came an indignant voice from the bathroom

"I know you did, wouldn't have bothered otherwise" smirked Remus as he and Lily sat back to watch the rest of the show.

Twenty minutes later the Marauders were gathered on the platform, none of them were really expecting their families to see them off but Sirius was waiting for his brother so they were here anyways. Regulas Alpferd Black timidly approached the barrier only to be intercepted by his older brother. He couldn't repress a smile at seeing the only person who'd ever shown him any real affection even if he was away ten months of the year.

"Hey Reg"

"Mother and Father have instructed me not to talk to you as you are officially disowned" the smaller boy almost whispered half looking over his shoulder to make sure their parents were out of sight.

"I know, but Reg do you really want to listen to them only to end up married to a girl you hate and raising brats just to continue the family line just like them?"

There was a silence as Regulas accepted what they both knew to be the truth "What choice do I have Siri? I'm not brave like you and I'm only eleven so I have to go back there every summer"

"The sorting is about choice. You've always loved reading and writing Regulas, if you end up in Ravenclaw and the family disowns you you'll be welcome at my place. Uncle Alpferd left me some gold next summer, I'll legally be of age and I plan to get a flat and I could probably get custody of you." He reasoned and Regulas seemed unsure "Just think about it, will you?" and Sirius walked back to his friends leaving his little brother with a lot to think about.

* * *

The Marauders managed to get a compartment to themselves, Lily and Remus were prefects but they didn't want to go to the meeting so they asked Mandy who was one of the Hufflepuff prefects to bring them schedules.

Lily and Remus may have some of the highest marks Hogwarts had ever seen but they had no interest in obeying the rules that strictly. Besides the marauders still had some serious catching up to do, summer stories to be told, pranks to be planned, full moons to contemplate, ect.

Severus was particularly eager to discuss the potion he'd given Remus before the summer started.

"So how did it work?"

"Well it did reduce the pain of the transformation a bit and I didn't self mutilate quite so much but the smell of humans still drove me wild and I can only remember flashes"

"Oh right," Severus took out his notebook "I knew the unicorn hair would be more effective if…. but no that could counter act the pain relievers in the Knot Grass… if only" and as it was evident that Severus was no longer talking to him Remus went to say hello to Sirius and James.

So it was that after nearly two months apart the Marauders became one group again, the terror of Hogwarts and siblings in every sense of the word.

_Later at the sorting…_

The boys were doing the usual thing groaning and moaning about their hunger even if they'd eaten a large quantity of sweets not even five hours ago on the train. Meanwhile Lily had pulled out her book "The Last Battle" by C.S Lewis and was ignoring them completely. However all their attention was drawn to the front as Black, Regulas was called. Sirius's little brother walked slowly to the stool where he placed the hat on his head. The hat took a full two minutes before calling "Slytherin" a round of polite unsurprised applause came from that table. The marauders didn't notice this though as they saw Sirius stiffen before he put up his blank face the one that usually meant he was struggling with something.

"Padfoot maybe it'll be okay" James reassured

"Not every Slytherin is evil" Severus added they were all aware how close he'd been to being put in that house

"Maybe he's just ambitious" suggested Remus gently

"Maybe" said Sirius running his hand through his hair and not looking convinced in the least

"Comeon let's eat" Lily gestured to the paltes that had just filled and all four boys dug in as though it was going to vanish a moment later. During dinner they managed to keep the conversation light, speculating about the new teacher (the DADA teacher's chair was empty), catching up with some other people from their house. Severus was remarkably talented as he managed to consume mass amounts of food with a girl in his lap while pretending to listen to what Mandy was saying.

* * *

After the feast Sirius went to talk to his little brother again

"Hi, Reg"

"Sirius" he greeted "This is Gary and Rudulpho" he introduced the other first years sitting with him.

"Popular already I see" there was no mistaking the bitterness that Regulas managed to fit in where Sirius was cast out. Not that he wanted to be a Slytherin really but why should his brother. Waht was so great about being a slimey snake anyways.

"Among my own kid yes," Regulas said emotionlessly and Sirius could see the spark of defeat in his eyes

"Why couldn't you even try?"

"What's the point?" the boy demanded bitterly

"The point is I'm your brother, doesn't that mean anything?" he knew he sounded desperate and that he was earning a couple funny looks but Sirius had never cared about that, however it was obvious that Regulas was uncomfortable.

"Nothing means more then family, but you are no longer part of mine" His eyes begged Sirius to quiet down his voice and move away this wasn't against him but they had to stop now before something was reported to their parents.

"Fuck you, Fuck thee whole damn lot of you" Sirius responded and left there was nothing else to be said

* * *

Remus and Lily were prefects and so they gave the password and the five entered the tour that they looked at as home. They were all tired what with it being the first night back so they went to the dorms.

Sure enough as always there was the familiar four beds (no one knew why there were so few Gryffindor boys that year). As always Remus claimed the one near the book case, Sirius claimed the one next to his with the window and Severus and James went to the place where their trunks were already resting. No one bothered to unpack, the only neat one was Severus and even he was tired. Everyone quickly slid into pjs and descended into sleep, filling the room with James' snores.

Sirius couldn't be exactly sure when it was he woke up, only that he wasn't going back to sleep.

He silently crept out of the common room and down a quick secret passage out unto the roof where he planted himself down and pulled out a bottle.

_' here's to family loyalty'_ he raised the bottle to his lips gulping it down as it burned his throat and his eyes blurred but somehow it made his mind softer and his pain duller.

_'Yeah, what do I care for that little SOB'_

* * *

The first week was a rollercoaster of homework and social time, highs and lows.

On Monday they had potions first thing and while Severus might have been happily plotting his next project everyone else groaned under their breath. Slughorn waddled into the classroom five minutes after the bell and cleared his throat

"AS you all know I like to hold small get togethers for promising pupils, There will be one on Halloween and we've even got a band so work hard and you could do some good networking and have some fun" He intoned pompously his large bulk swaying slightly. Meanwhile the class stared uninterestedly at their books or at various walls. James and Remus played a very violent game of tic tack toe with Sirius doing whispered commentary. At this statement though Sirius couldn't resist comment.

"Fun, like a blow to the head" Sirius pointed out rising slightly to look the oldman in the eyes

"What was that Mr Black"

Sirius tossed the hair from his eyes gave his dazzling lopsided grin and repeated the statement.

"Sir I said like a blow to the head in reference to your so called 'parties, sir"

The class snickered and the handsome boy accepted his detention for disrespect with a gracious bow. Slughorn scowled and turned to write directions on the board.

After that Severus proceeded to improve upon the potion on the board, adding his own touch to the truth potion to make it harder to resist, Slughorn grimaced as he granted him an O. The teacher hated to know that one of his pupils surpassed him with ease.

Remus was about as hopeless at potions as one could get, he accidentally blew up or melted almost as many cauldrons by accident as Sirius did on purpose, the dog Anamagi had actually started paying for the werewolf's cauldrons, calling it an investment in chaos. It was sheerly due to partnering his friends and nearly perfect homework that he was still in this class.

Predictably Remus's potion was a sickly grey colour as apposed to the azure colour of Severus's

"Lupin watch that powdered bicorn horn" Remus just snorted, it was hopeless as always. He may as well just go into bomb design the only thing he made in this class were explosives.

As the potions master moved on, his black haired friend put a comforting arm around his shoulders

"Ahh, this class is for megalomaniacs and girls anyways"

"but Severus" Sirius grinned at him

"Exactly"

Lily shuddered as Slughorn came over he always gave her this slimy feeling under her skin.

"Miss Evans, may I call you Lily?" he got no response he asked her that almost every class and hadn't taken the hint yet.

"This is sensational as per usual"

"Thank you, sir, my partner helped" she gestured to James but he doubted that was true as the boy seemed to be drawing a very detailed snitch on the cove of his unopened potions text book.

"And Mr. Potter have you heard from your father lately" Slughorn had been good friends with James' dad which probably explained the boy's dislike.

"No, haven't seen the basterd since he walked out the door" venom crept into his tone at the mention of his estranged father "and if you ask me it can stay that way"

"You really shouldn't talk about your father that way, he is a good man" Slughorn protested unaware exactly how close he wa sto being hexed.

"My father was a bully obsessed with his public image, though maybe that is why you got along so well" he growled and Lily restrained him with a hand gently resting on his arm.

Slughorn didn't comment whether he was giving up or he just didn't want to really be associated with the scandal around Daniel Potter he walked to examine the potions of the Ravenclaws.

Sirius looked up from his careless concoction and recognized a blonde head.

"Hey, Moony" he stage whispered and his partner turned around irritatiedly

"Padfoot, I'm already very nearly roasting alive I don't have time for interruptions"

"But Remmy it's her" he sounded exited but Remus just rolled his eyes Sirius got exited about close to One 'her' a week.

"Who?"

"The blonde girl I was telling you about, the Malfoy, Jasmine I think"

"Oh your latest crush" Remus dismissed turning back to his potion

"Hey" he glanced over at the pretty girl that his friend gestured to

"Well, she's a looker I'll give her that and oddly enough I don't believe she's dated any one of us" This actually was abnormal because between the boys they'd dated most of the good looking girls at Hogwarts.

When the bell finally ring an hour later Sirius swaggered over to the girl in question. she hadn't noticed him yet as she was busy packing up

"So Jasmine, What's up" Sirius lilted

"Oh, Black it's you, can't you annoy someone else?"

"Aww, I like it right here"

Just then Lily ran over

"I swear males think with their hormones"

"No kidding" the Ravenclaw snorted "I feel bad one brother's bad enough"

"It's a full time job, Sirius don't you have divination"

"But, I predicted I was about to score" He grinned

"Obviously your inner eye needs correctional lenses" called Jasmine as she left the dungeons

* * *

When the marauders reunited for lunch (Sirius and James had divination while the others had ancient runes) they sat down at what had been dubbed their spot. They always claimed the same section of the Gryffindor table and no one bothered to protest by now.

Remus and Sirius could eat mass quantities of anything you put in front of them (Remus especially liked meat near his time of the month), the others were slightly more restrained although they were all glad to be eating Hogwarts food again.

"You know I never realised it but I missed this" Sirius commented between shovel fulls

"missed the food? That we noticed" commented Lily with vague disgust

"Nah, though that's good too, I missed all the people, the chaos, the mindless chatter, you guys all know about my dislike of being alone" and they did. Sirius' neglectful childhood had left him with some self esteem issues. Part of this went into his constant need for attention, he also had a stronger tendency towards physical contact then average. Most teenage boys were awkward with hugs and might have felt weird about him putting his arm around them. However it was just something they'd gotten used to.

"So what's everyone got this afternoon?"

"Double DADA across the board" replied Lily checking over the schedules

"That's odd I remember Dumbledore announcing Miss Mclung's retirement but I don't remember him saying who'd be replacing her"

"I liked Miss Mclung" grinned Severus wistfully

"Of course you did, she was a half veala" Remus pointed out "all the guys 'liked her'"

"Except you" James retorted

"because she seemed to not know anything and was always flirting"

"We didn't mind" responded the other boys together

"Why didn't she affect you anyways?" asked Lily interested

"Werewolves are immune because we're not entirely human" Remus said with a trace of bitterness but the others brushed it off

"Cool" Sirius mused

"Anyways lets hope our new teachers are better" Lily crossed her fingers mentally for a good looking guy, there really wasn't much in the eye candy department at Hogwarts just then. Unless of course you counted her friends and admittedly they were all handsome but she tried to avoid the awkward situation that would put her in. She still blushed when she thought of last summer when she'd had a crush on Remus. It hadn't lasted that long but it had been embaressing enough as she couldn't talk to him without blushing for a month.

* * *

The five students travelled jovially down to class as was their routine and placed themselves in the five seats closest to the back of the class room. The bell rang seconds later and their classmates filed in slowly. Once they'd all arrived there was a bit off a buzz at the obvious lack of teacher. Sirius had just put his legs up on his desk when a tall black haired women of about thirty appeared in what they'd assumed was an empty desk.

Lily glanced at her face and fought back a shudder her blue eyes were like ice.

"I am Professor Patterson and That class, was a disillusionment charm we'll be learning that next term, who can suggest other ways I could vanish?" Several hands went up and she began picking at random

"Miss Brooke?"

"An invisibility potion" suggested the brunet Ravenclaw

"Excellent, Mr Thompson?"

"An invisibility cloak"

"ahh yes for those who can afford it? Miss Evans"

"Concealment charms" Lily intoned

"Why yes, though those are more common on inanimate objects" There were no more hands in the air and the professor sighed. She walked to the chalk board blue robes flowing behind her.

"Okay class, good you got the common ones, but if you want to pass this class you will have to think outside the box, yes I could do any of those things but I could also use distraction charms, transfiguration or visibility impairing spells"

"Professor, couldn't you also use animagaus or metomorhi abilities?" asked James

"Yes, although these abilities are not for everyone" she paused "I myself cannot do either as I have never been good with transfiguration" the teacher admitted "although I'll bet I could cream any one of you in a duel, anyways turn to p63 in the text book"

For the rest of that class they took notes on different concealment methods and were assigned an essay for Friday.

* * *

It's amazing how fast time flies by in a blur of homework, detentions, pranks and other adventures. The marauders were having one of their best years yet by anyone's standards, with no major exams this year the classes were a little more relaxed then last year even if the work was harder.

The only damper was Sirius's mood, he seemed to have an odd depression he couldn't shake and it was beginning to show. The first couple of times Sirius came back hungover or ended up with a girl in his bed, both of them with little memories of what had happened the marauders had covered for him. It was a phase, he was always a little rebellious and this was just going a little further. They forged his homework and made his excuses for missing class, everyone needed help sometimes.

However it was getting more and more frequent and they were beginning to worry that Sirius was headed for something worse. Finally they elected that Severus should talk to him.

"But why me? Lily, you're the one who's so concerned"

"because Corbin, I'm a fuck'n virgin, I don't drink or cut class, we've been over this, if it comes from me he'll take it as though I'm an overprotective mother"

"but that's exactly how you're acting, I realise you may be 'little miss morals' but some of us are still searching for our identities, if he wants to experiment, I see no reason to stop him. Why are we even bothering to cover his ass, the teachers will catch on eventually"

"I tolerate your drinking, because I know there's a difference between having a drink at parties and alcoholism, however it tore apart my family and Sirius is getting dangerously close" her voice broke and James wrapped his arm gently around her shoulders

Remus softly hissed "She's right you know, she's just worried, even you were concerned when we found him in a drunken sleep in the Room of Requirement on a Wednesday during lunch"

"I guess," the pale teen sighed "I just hate to be a hypocrite"

"We aren't going to stop him from doing this if it's really what he wants, but right now I think he's trying to hide his scars, we just need to remind him that we're here to pick up the pieces"

"But, he's not going to want some sappy mumbo jumbo about the protection and kindness of friends"

"Which is exactly why we're sending you" James said with finality and as Severus was out-numbered and out voted he went to find their canine friend.

Using the marauders map it was fairly easy to locate the missing canine, he was currently in a fourth floor corridor chatting up some Hufflepuff. Severus sighed with irritation and quickly stalked the hall using the secret passageways to approach almost unseen.

Seeing the girl in person he recognized her as a former girl friend and one of the girls known for a 'reputation'.

"I'm sorry, Ashley is it, will you excuse us?" and he dragged Sirius away without waiting for a response and pinned him against the wall with a fist

"Listen, Black, I don't know what's going through your head lately but it has to stop"

"Well if this doesn't make you a hypocrite" Sirius sneered as Severus was usually worse then he was

"You're right and I wouldn't even be here if Shade and Moony weren't so worried, if you want to screw up your own life that's your business, but you're not the only one with problems,"

"You think I don't know that, I've seen Remus after a full moon or Lily after the summer and that makes me want to cry but I can't, I'm supposed to be strong.. and now Regulas" he paused and tears formed. "He's still the little brother I swore to protect at the solemn age of ten. I used to take credit for his mistakes to protect him from the beatings and yet still he"

"Yet he betrayed you and you can't understand it"

"Exactly"

"not everyone is a hero, Padfoot, Regulas may not be brave but he has his own things to contribute and he loves you, he will remember it before the end"

"But not before it's too late for him" Sirius lamented bitterly

"I won't lie to you, Sirius but you can drink yourself to death and Regulas will still follow the wrong path, all you can do is do the best with your own life" With that Severus got up and left. Sirius was still pressed up against the wall for another twenty minutes. When he arrived in the common room he plunked down on the couch and joined in a game of exploding snap without a word.

* * *

Of course the Marauders often studied together so they could spread out James transfiguration talents, Severus's prowess at potions, Lily's charm abilities and everyone was generally proficient making keeping top grades not much of a challenge.

One cloudy day they were all lounging around in one of the many secret passageways they used regularly. Lily broke off from reading and shouted

"I get it"

"What?" all the boys asked confused Severus had been dazedly staring at a Ravenclaw across the room, the brunet was bending over to look at something giving him a nice wiew. He started and turned to the rapidly talking red head

"This book," she finished "It's part of a series that's a metaphor for the bible and I finally get what it's talking about."

"Lils, none of us are religious so you're going to have to use small words and real logic"

"Okay it's like this, this book is about the end of the world and it's trying to say that the earth is only a image of a small part of a huge universe and that we really belong with god. Our spirits are just sent here to live for a while and when death comes we go back to the real version and live forever"

"Nut jobs, that's why I'm not religious" Sirius murmured

"I disagree Shade, I don't believe there is an afterlife" Remus

"So what we all just sit in our graves" Severus scoffed "That's cheerful, imagine not moving for centuries"

"No when we die our spirit vanishes ceases to exist"

"Wouldn't that be painful or scary?" Lily mused

"Nah, think about it, why live for ninety years only to go on living in heaven or to go on existing as the ghosts do? No I think it's more like when we die our spirit is put at rest, like sinking into REM state sleep."

"I don't like to wonder about death, 'cause then I wonder why I exist and commit suicide," Sirius pointed out

"Alright then back away slowly and don't make eye contact" James commented

* * *

Lily had been having trouble in a non school related area: boys, ten had asked her to the next Hogsmeade weekend, she'd refused them all of course but the male marauders still felt it necessary to prank every last one. Lily was naturally mad but realised there was no way to stop it so she just left it in the hopes the boys would get board.

It was getting unbearable at lunch Ryan Sampson a hufflepuff prefect from her year pulled her aside.

"Yes, Ryan" she knew what was coming and was hoping he wouldn't ask

"Would you I mean … I like you and… there's I Hogsmeade visit, I was wondering"

"If I wanted to go?" he nodded vigerously

"Ryan I'm sorry you're a really nice guy and I like you.. just not"

"in that way?" he sounded crushed

"yes, I'm sorry"

"No, it's okay, thanks for being so nice about it" he rushed off in embarrassment.

By dinner the marauders somehow found out and used a curse that reacted with male hormones for a very 'icy' touch.

"But Lils for that curse to take affect he had to be thinking about a girl with red hair" protested James

"We were merely protecting your innocence" Sirius insisted running a hand through his hair.

"Fine, then you hypocrites, I'll protect the female populations innocence" she waved her wand furiously. Suddenly Sirius's ears and James nose began to grow, they stopped at twice the usual size. Counter curses were useless as Lily had designed the charms herself. The boys shrugged and began eating their dinner. It wasn't until a girl named Grace Harlot came over and started to chat up James that there was a problem. Suddenly his nose was growing again and as the girl recoiled in disgust Lily's comment made sense. The muggle born students laughed quietly and Remus grinned

"Pinocchio, nice touch Shade"

"Why that you Mr Moony, I do hope you also enjoyed dear Dumbo" Lily gestured to Sirius whose ears were huge and flapping comically.

Many things happened in the first few weeks of school. James began going out with a Miss Talia Strong. Lily who couldn't bear to sit around and watch all three of her ale friends chat up bimbos all the time began seeking female companionship.

"No offence to you Rem, you can play chess with one of them or another guy or read but it is getting unbearable, I think I'll go to the library and see if I can find someone to tutor me in Defense." For some reason Lily could just not do curses. She was so naturally gifted at most magical arts that this came as a shock.

She was sorting through a huge pile of books on curses and their origins, methods and practical applications when a girls voice sounded

"What's with the sudden obsession?"

"Oh, hi, Jasmine, right" The blonde Ravenclaw nodded "Well for some reason I can't do curses at all, I've tried everything"

"Didn't you have them before?

"Well we've never had a DADA teacher this tough before, I could always use another spell instead but…" Lily sighed in frustration "Professor Patterson insisted that I learn a curse specifically"

"Then I'm guessing she knows of your problem and there is a solution"

"Like I've said I've tried everything"

"Show me, just try one any curse"

"Okay", Lily agreed raising her wand and aiming for her textbook "Funnucalas"

Jasmine watched as Lily did everything exactly right but yet got no results.

"Let me try, I'll see if I can tell the difference" Jasmine cast the same spell and Lily's text book was covered in boils.

"hmm…" she waved her wand in the counter spell "Evanesco"

"I think I've got it"

"Well what is it?"

"You don't hate it"

"What? The text book? why would I hate that and what does that have to do with anything?"

"No, listen, curses are all designed to damage and destroy, so to do them you have to summon the will to destroy, the hatred"

"Well then how come no one else has this problem?" Jasmine shrugged

"Most people use emotions to power their magic, so with a curse it's natural to use anger or hatred"

"but I always keep my emotions under tight locks, I can do charms, potions, incantations and transfiguration using brain power or positive emotions"

"But with something so negative as a curse"

"I need negative fuel"

"Exactly, now how do we go about this?"

"I don't know I've been keeping all my negative emotions under control since" the silence said everything Lily couldn't "I've never actually 'used them' before"

"Okay this is going to take some work, focus on someone you hate" Images blurred before Lily as she picked the one person who made her feel weaker then any other.

"Now focus on pouring all that through your wand and saying the incantation at the same time"

Lily did as instructed and tried to let the wrath flow through her taking almost physical form

"funuculous" this time there was a flash and a bang however there was still no affect.

"All right at least there's power now, we are getting somewhere but, we've got a ways to go". The after school study sessions became a regular event twice a week for the girls, Jasmine was eager to learn more about potions. Lily enjoyed the testosterone free environment.

* * *

* * *

**A/N:Wow, that was even longer then plaanned can I hear some thank yous, perhaps in review form. just kidding but really I'd love feedback I know there's soemthing wrong eith my writing I just can't figure out what it is. what characters should have bigger roles? Plot suggestions? I've got a general layout but I'm pretty open. Would you like longer or quicker updates, comeon people I need information.**


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